Back to School: Am I the only one?
Am I the only one?
As I see posts on social media of relief that the kids are back at school, I wonder am I the only one? The only one who wishes there was one more week in the holidays. Just a few more days.
It’s not that I don’t feel relief. Working will be easier and I’m certainly ready to be more productive. I’m ready to get on with the tasks that I’ve been storing up for September (including my office which has grown dusty and cluttered over the 6 weeks). It’s just that relief is the smallest part of what I feel at the beginning of the new school year.
Bigger than relief is an emotion I can’t describe. It’s not sadness, though it feels similar. It’s the disbelief and gut-wrenching powerlessness as another summer ends and my daughter steps further out into the world. The end of the summer holidays brings me face to face with the harsh reality of being a parent. Where is the time going? Yes, we love to watch them grow. I’m told that, as they enter their adult years, there is yet more delight – just in different forms. Yet, the other side of that is the baby we birthed, who was once so dependent on us, is gone. As I say, it’s not sadness. I’m glad she is growing up and delighted to have a front row seat to both her triumphs and disappointments. I just wish we had longer.
Even bigger than this unknown emotion is the gratitude for another summer with my daughter. It’s been a juggle, literally, squeezing work in around her, but there’s been such joy. We’ve enjoyed so much more time together. Don’t get me wrong, our summer hasn’t been filled with costly activities, the blingy Pinterest-worthy planner is still laying by my printer from when I printed it in July. But we’ve had time. Time to watch an episode of her favourite TV show together. Time to potter to the shops on foot, rather than rushing in the car. Time to slow down and take in the beauty of my growing child. Time.
And that’s it in a nutshell, I think. The relief is there because the world desperately wants me to fuel it with my productivity, to rush headlong back into busy-ness that child-free term-times allow. All the while, though, Jesus just wants me to take my time. With him. With myself. And with my daughter. That’s where the joy can be found.
So, this autumn, I’m going slow. I’m choosing to run away from the traps of child-free productivity and instead embrace slower rhythms. The hurry of the school morning will still be there, and I’ll inevitably rush and be late at least once this half-term – probably in the first two weeks. Every September, I wish I had longer but really I have all the time I need. It’s just what I choose to do with it.
Am I the only one who feels something other than relief with the end of the summer holidays? Perhaps. This autumn though, I’m going slow. I’m choosing to run away from the traps of child-free productivity and instead run towards Jesus. I know I will find peace in Him.
~ Olivia Haines