A message from one broken person to another
By Anna Jones
Life in my thirties looked somewhat sorted out, at least from the outside.
I was married, had three children, worked part-time, and was active in my local church. I ran the toddler group, played piano on a Sunday, led evangelistic Bible studies for young mums, and even signed for a young deaf man in the evening service.
Although I wouldn't have said this out loud, I felt like a Christian superwoman, able to do anything I set my mind to. Talking to non-Christian friends about Jesus felt easy at this point in my life, where, in my mind, I epitomised what a Christian woman should look like!
However, life in my forties was very different. When I was forty, I left my husband, got divorced, and left the church. All delusions of superhero powers left me. Instead, I was left with a deep sense of failure and shame, and no longer identified as a Christian.
However, a year into my divorce, as I hit rock bottom, I realised my deep need for a Saviour and returned to church.
Nevertheless, despite experiencing the deep love of Jesus for wayward wanderers more profoundly, I didn't feel I could share this story with non-believers. I felt like my own sin, and failure, somehow invalidated any message I might share. Why would anyone want to listen to a woman whose life looked such a mess?
One passage that resonated with me was Mary’s song in Luke 1:46-55. In chapter one we read of Mary receiving news from the Angel Gabriel that she is to conceive and bear a son, no less than the Son of God. She is young and unmarried. From the outside, her situation was messy, to say the least!
Yet her response is one of faith and praise. She praises the God who does “great things,” exalting those of “humble estate,” and scattering the “proud in the thoughts of their hearts.” Her gaze moves away from herself to the God of mercy and compassion, Whose heart moves toward those aware of their weakness and need.
Reading this encouraged me. I had been the proud person, who had been brought down. Here I was, knowing my brokenness. I, too, like Mary, could speak to others about God's greatness, and mercy, and care for me, a care which extends to those who turn in faith to Him. I was no longer speaking from a position of one who felt she had life sorted out. I was speaking from one broken person to another.
Last year, my middle daughter and her boyfriend left home to go to university. I had built a good relationship with her boyfriend, and been honest about my struggles and the difference Jesus has made in my life. Wanting to send him away with something meaningful from me, I crocheted him a blanket and bought him a Bible, writing in the front of it a bit more about the story of how God had broken into my life and rescued me. I explained that God had always been faithful despite many dark times, walking with me through them. I encouraged him to read the Bible because it contained words of life and hope in darkness. This moved him, and, according to my daughter, he often read the Bible at university.
Maybe you, like me, feel disqualified from talking to others about Jesus due to feelings of shame and failure. Know that God delights in using His wobbly people. His power is made perfect in our weakness (2 Corinthians 12.9).
This blog was originally published by Evangelicals Now who publish monthly blogs by women from PfE.
Anna Jones is a Lecturer at the University of Liverpool and a PhD candidate. Her PhD research is exploring the lived experience of divorce for evangelical Christians living in the UK. She is currently particularly interested in how Christian faith influences the ways we think about and conduct research. She has three almost all grown-up children, loves crocheting, running and playing various musical instruments.